Yet however innocent it might seem, it’s not fair to engage in communication where one person thinks they’re talking to someone else.
“In my mind, the dangers are so minute compared to the potential benefits of having a chance to understand who you are.”
CUTE GAY MEN IN POSE FREE
Though she is sympathetic towards those who do it: “If someone grows up with the feeling inside that they do not meet the expectations what people want them to be, you can imagine how liberating it must be when they are finally free to be who they want to be without having to be afraid,” she says. “But MSN Messenger and on early Twitter, anonymity was more accepted or almost expected.”Ĭoen suggests that catfishing of any kind, but particularly the most extreme cases, is much rarer than is often reported. It’s a place where we solidify who we are based on what people already know about us,” she explains. People don’t really use it for anonymity, because we have our real-life connections there. “It’s that same experimentation stage of sexuality, being played out online.”Īs for catfishing in adolescence, Coen makes a distinction between Facebook and early social media platforms, which were more fertile ground for identity exploration through catfishing. “There’s almost a parallel between catfishing straight boys on MSN back in the day and the ‘straight guys’ who turn up on Grindr these days with faceless profiles or stolen pics,” he says. Either way, he says that catfishing and anonymity are still often used to explore one’s sexuality. There could have also been a perceived real-life connection with a straight guy that the catfisher wanted to explore or perhaps a fetishisation of the unattainable. “By being ‘someone else’, they’re not only able to express maybe who they are, or a more flamboyant, confident them,” he explains, “but also experience a – albeit not real – ‘typical’ and ‘reciprocal’ relationship.” As for why it was so common to catfish straight guys, Murray-Dickson says that it could simply be a lack of guys who were known to be gay. Psychologically, Murray-Dickson says this is understandable. “I’d often ask them questions like ‘Would you ever consider sleeping with a guy?’ and see how they responded.” “It was the best of both worlds, because it allowed me to live out a fantasy and grow my confidence, but also suss out whether a guy could be gay,” says Jack*. Many of the gay men I spoke to said that catfishing gave them a glimmer of confidence talking to boys.
But back in the day, on MSN Messenger, you’d have email addresses of the lads from school, or they were at least findable.” “A lad growing up in Wick is going to be pretty limited in his options compared to someone in a city centre. “For some of them, depending on where and how they grew up, any expression of their minority identity is going to result in prejudice and bullying,” he says. “This will probably continue to drop until kids just feel comfortable with who they are.” Murray-Dickson tells me that this gradual cultural shift enables young LGBTQ people to know who they are, but not necessarily be who they are yet. “In 2011, the average age of coming out was 14, compared to 18 back in 1993,” he says. Kyle Murray-Dickson, a clinical associate in applied psychology for children and young people, tells me that these justifications make sense. "Catfishing was the closest to romantic interaction I could get – a sort of a thrill that porn didn’t provide.”